He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
