whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
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i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"