I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
