oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
