The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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