yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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