I wannas sexs uuuuu
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
