I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
