if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
