Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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