Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
