I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
