I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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