I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
