cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
