I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
