You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
