you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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