I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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