Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
