We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
