I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
