look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
