I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
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But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
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I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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