Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
