They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
