For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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