Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
