so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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