i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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