The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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