$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
