If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
