I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
