I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
two words...techno handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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