my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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