haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
