I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
