By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
