Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
