Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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