you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize