Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm bleeding and have questions
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