i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
