go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
