I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
