Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
