I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
