I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
