He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
