Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
