Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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