Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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