Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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