dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
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i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
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That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
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