I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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