i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
