i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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