I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
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You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
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The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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